North Carolina!

1. A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road .

2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in North Carolina

3. There are 10,000 types of spiders.. All 10,000 of them live in North Carolina , plus a couple no one has ever seen before!

4. If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.

5.'Onced' and 'Twiced' are words

6. It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy.

7. 'Jaw-P?' means 'Did y'all go to the bathroom?'

8. People actually grow and eat okra.

9. 'Fixinto' is one word.

10. There is no such thing as 'lunch'. There is only dinner and then there is supper.

11. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar

12. Backwards and forwards means 'I know everything about you.'

13. The word 'Jeet' is actually a phrase meaning 'Did you eat?'

14. You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH them.

MORE THINGS TO LET YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM NORTH CAROLINA :

1. You measure distance in minutes.

2. You've ever had to switch from heat to A/C in the same day.

3. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.

4.. You know what a 'DAWG' is.

5. You carry jumper cables in your car for your OWN car.

6. 90% of NC kitchens will have these five spices/condiments: Morton Salt, McCormick Black Pepper, Texas Pete, JFG/Dukes Mayonnaise and Hunts Ketchup.

7. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and motorsports.

8. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.

9. You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit 'a bit warm'.

10. You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, Still Summer and Christmas.

11. Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past time known as 'goin' to Wally World or Wal-Martin'.

12. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chicken stew weather

13. Fried catfish is the other white meat.

14. We don't need no dang driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive, dag-nabbit.

15. You understand these jokes and forward them to your North Carolina Friends.


Let's all sing it together folks?? I like callin' North Carolina home!?


Regards
Serious Black

Do you like candy little girl?

A Little 10-year-old girl was walking home, alone, from school one day, when a big man on a black motorcycle pulls up beside her. After following along for a while, turns to her and asks, "Hey there little girl, do you want to go for a ride?"

"NO!" says the little girl as she keeps on walking.

The motorcyclist again pulls up beside her and asks, "Hey little girl, I will give you $10 if you hop on the back."

"NO!" says the little girl as she hurries down the street.

The motorcyclist pulls up beside the little girl again and says, "Okay kid, my last offer! I'll give you 20 Bucks "and" a Big Bag of Candy if you will just hop on the back of my bike and we will go for a ride."

Finally, the little girl stops and turns towards him and Screams Out...
"Look Dad!! Your the one who bought the Honda instead of the Harley!! YOU RIDE IT!"

Old but Funny

Hello, my name is Serious Black and I suffer from guilt for not forwarding 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe, if you send them on, a poor six-year-old girl in Scotland with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her to a travelling freak show.

And, do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give $1000 to you, and everyone to whom you send 'his' email?

How stupid are you?

Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by a model I just happen to run into the next day!

What a bunch of bullshit.

Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my house and kill me in my sleep for not continuing a chain letter that was started by St Peter in 5AD and brought to this country by midget pilgrim stowaways on the Endeavour.

Fuck 'em!!

If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly amusing.

I've seen all the 'send this to 10 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being' forwards about 90 times. I don't fucking care.

Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out these forwards. Chances are, it's our own unpopularity.

The point being?

If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it.

If it's funny, send it on.

Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth who has been tied to the arse of a dead elephant for 27 years and whose only salvation is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this email.

Now forward this to everyone you know. Otherwise, tomorrow morning your underwear will turn carnivorous and will consume your genitals.

Have a nice day.
Serious Black

PS Send me 15 bucks and then fuck off.

Culture

A good appetite needs no sauce.
A good bargain is a pick-purse.

A good painter need not give a name to his picture, a bad one must.

A guest sees more in an hour than the host in a year.

A noisy cow gives little milk.

A poor dancer will be disturbed even by the hem of her skirt.

All times are good when old.

Do not push the river, it will flow by itself.

Even a clock that does not work is right twice a day.

Even the goats will jump on a slanted tree.

Every error has its excuse.

Fish, to taste good, must swim three times: in water, in butter, and in wine.

God grant me a good sword and no use for it.

Hunger will lead a fox out of the forest.

Hungry bellies have no ears.

Ink, if not used, will dry up.

Innocence itself sometimes hath need of a mask.

Innocence plays in the backyard of ignorance.

Love enters a man through his eyes, woman through her ears.

Never seek the wind in the field. It is useless to try and find what is gone.

Nowadays you must go to heaven to meet an angel.

On a thief, the hat's on fire.

The doctor demands his fees whether he has killed the illness or the patient.

The greater love is a mother's; then comes a dog's; then a sweetheart's.

The greatest love is a mother's, then a dog's, then a sweetheart's.

The greatest oaks have been little acorns.

The woman cries before the wedding and the man after.

There will be no bread from that flour.

Under capitalism man exploits man; under socialism the reverse is true.

Watch the faces of those who bow low.

What little Johnny has not learned, big John will not know.

Wherever you go, you can't get rid of yourself.

Words must be weighed, not counted.

Jak cie widza, tak cie pisza
How they see you, that's how they perceive you

Gdyby kózka nie skakala, to by nózki nie zlamala
If the goat didn't jump, she wouldn't have broken her leg

Gdyby kózka nie skakala, to by smutne zycie miala
If the goat didn't jump, she'd have a miserable life

Swój ciagnie do swojego
Same kinds attract

Kazdy sadzi wedlug siebie
Everyone judges according to themselves

Z kim sie zadajesz, takim sie stajesz
You become whom you befreind

Kto sie czubi, ten sie lubi
Those who argue, like each other

Baba z wozu koniom lzej
When the woman gets off the wagon, horses have an easier time

Reka reke myje
One hand washes the other

Lepszy wróbel w garsci niz golab na dachu
It's better to have a sparrow in your hand, than a pigeon on the roof

Co nagle, to po diable
The devil dictates when you're in a hurry

W zdrowym ciele, zdrowy duch
Healthy soul in a healthy body

Madry Polak po szkodzie
Smart pole after the damage is done

Co kraj to obyczaj
Each country has it's own tradition

Co cialo lubi, to dusze zgubi
What likes the body will lose the soul

Komu pora, temu czas
When it's your time, you have to go

Kwiat bez zapachu, jak czlowiek bez duszy
A flower without a smell is like a man without a soul

Komu w droge, temu gwózdz w noge
who wants/needs to leave, stick a nail in his foot

Moja dupa i twoja twarz to blizniacy
My arse and your face are twins

Sukces ma wieju ojców, porazka jest sierota
A success has many fathers, a failure is an orphan

Musi to na Rusi, a w Polsce jak kto chce
A must is in Russia, in Poland you do however you want

Kto pije i pali ten nie ma robali
The one who both smokes and drinks doesn't get roundworms

Modli sie pod figura a diabla ma za skora
He(she) prays but has a devil under the skin.

Pan Bogu swieczke, a diablu ogarek
A candle for God, a stump for the devil (said about two faced people)

Szczescie jest pomiedzy ustami i brzegiem kielicha
Happiness is between the lips and the rim of a glass

Jeden lubi grac na skrzypcach, a drugi jak mu nogi smierdza
One man likes playing violin, and the other when his feet are smelly

Ladnemu we wszystkim ladnie.
A pretty person looks pretty in every clothing

Nie chwal dnia przed zachodem slonca
Don't praise the day before sunset

Wszedzie dobrze, ale w domu najlepiej
Everywhere's fine, but best at home

Zobaczysz, jak swinia niebo
You will see it as surely as a pig will see the sky (pigs cannot look up)

Potrzeba jest matka wynalazków
Necessity is the mother of invention

Regards
Serious Black