Aussie Clock

Proudly showing off his newly-leased downtown apartment to a
couple of friends late one night , a drunk Maori led the way to his bedroom
where there was a big brass gong hanging on the wall .

'What's that big brass gong for?' one of the friend's asked.

'Issss nod a gong. Issss a talking Australian clock' he
drunkenly replied.

'A talking Australian clock - seriously?'

'Yup.' 'Hmmm (hic).'

'How's it work?' the second friend asked, squinting at it.

'Just watch' he said.

He picked up a hammer, gave the gong an 'ear-shattering
bash' and stepped back.

His three mates stood looking at one another for a moment
in astounded silence.

Suddenly, a Australian voice from the other side of the wall
screamed,


'BLOODY HELL, you stupid prat. It's ten past three in
the frigging morning !!!'



Regards
Serious Black

Getting older

Why is it that as we get older one uses the toilet then we forget our name?

Knock Knock!

"Someone is in here!"
"It's me in here!"

Regards
Serious Black

Getting close to Easter

A wabbit walks into a pub and asks for an ale and a ham and cheese toastie.
The barman looks a bit taken back by a talking wabbit but gives the wabbit what he asks for.

Paying the bill the wabbit leaves.
The following week the same thing happens.
The wabbit sits in his usual spot and drinks his ale and eats his ham and cheese toasty.
By now the barman starts telling people about what has occurred and each week the wabbit comes in sits and drinks his ale and eats his ham and cheese toasty.

The pub does a roaring trade.
Then one day the wabbit comes in and asks for the ususal but unfortunately there is no ham and cheese toasty.
BUT! There is a cheese and tomatoe one.

The barman assures the the wabbit it is just as tasty and so the wabbit agrees.
He eats the toasty drinks his ale and leaves.

The wabbit is NEVER seen again!

One night as the barman is closing up he sees what appears to be a wabbit hopping around outside.
"Aren't you the wabbit that used to frequent this pub?" The barman inquires.
"I certianly am."replys the wabbit.
"What happened to you?"

"Well I died"
"DIED?"
"Died from mixing me toasties!"


Regards

Serious Black

What the Fox that?

I will not grace this blog with the link to the website from which this post has led me to write about.

I will however say that Fox news has come up with some crap in there time but their recent effort has to be at the gutter end of so called journalism.

The content of the article is disturbing to some, but old man Rupert must be laughing all the way to the bank.
The Fox website must be going into meltdown with hits.

Over the next few days Fox news will be in the headlines for all the wrong reasons.

Isn't it just fine and dandy the way we are all manipulated to speak out and indirectly line their pockets.

Doesn't it just annoy you that you have to say something because otherwise it will eat away at you own existence? Doesn't it really make you angry that if you choose not to speak up then you feel like you haven't had your say?

Doesn't it mean that things like this are not really "Fair nor Balanced?"

Regards
Serious Black

But Seriously

Reading this blog may interfere with your understanding of human life. It may also cause you to use the words of a more colourful nature. Please realise that using such words does not last long.

So fear not!

It will pass and you will return to being the same boring fart you were before.

Warning over!

Nearly Easter so religion comes in to play yet again.

I watched as a procession of religious nutters re-enacted the crucifixion of Christ. They had all the right clothing as far as I can tell. (I mean I wasn't there at the time so I can only surmise.)

There were quite a few people with children looking on.

Some in bewilderment.

What struck me was a father and his son. The little young man would have been only four maybe five years old. I overheard the conversation. The little young boy asking "Who is the man on the wood thingy."

The father told him it was Jesus.
The poor child let out the most sincere cry.

"WHAT??????? They're going to kill Baby Jesus???????????????"

Now!

If the religious nutters of this world took notice and showed a sincere sorrow for the killing of Jesus I may or may not be more sincere in my beliefs.
OH No!
They come up with some folk song about how Jesus died for us all and how he suffered and make it all sound so lovey dovey.

For me, religion has had its time.
How long has it been? Two thousand years and the idiots STILL can't get it right!
You can take your refimation, your Vatican and your Mecca and sod off.

What about all these religious suicide bombers?
Every time one goes off there is one less wanker in the world.
What in the hell are these people thinking?

Depending on which papers you read you can have 10 or even a hundred vestal virgins waiting for you.
It's NOT a blessing, its a punishment!!

You will have to talk to them for the rest of eternity because they don't know what to do. They could be all fans of Culture Club!

Give me two fire breathing whores any day!

What these people really need is to go out and get laid. We shouldn't be dropping bombs we should be sending over planes load with whores and Agatha Christie books.

I'm telling you any one that reads only one book will go balmy.
It's true honest!

Then there's this thing about arranged marriages. Who the hell came up with that idea?
"You wife is over there son."
A line of women all in black with a window. They look like bottles of Guinness.
"Which one father?"
"The third one from the right."
What happens when you get home and lift up that garment and you see two hairy balls?
What are you going to do?

Regards
Serious Black!